My first laugh...

Last night, I had my first laugh since the Saturday we learned our baby had gone to heaven. Sure I have giggled, but it was empty. It was a very powerful moment, yet it sounds so silly. I am embarrassed to tell people what I had laughed at, but I know all the mom's and dad's out there (well I hope we are not the only ones!) have had this experience. We were all laying in bed, well Grace was on the floor because she was too hot to cuddle (could it be because she was in a full fleece flower costume with mittens on as pajamas?), and there was a smell. Cory said "Seriously Holden..." I don't want to embarrass my little boy so I won't share any further you can come up with your own ending. I was laughing! It was a genuine laugh. The look on my husband's face as he looked at me was pure joy. It was a moment we were all aware of. Just a shared moment...that we all felt...even if it was unspoken. We had a glimpse of our old selves. It felt really good even if the moment passed. It was there and it gives me a little more hope that it will return. It will return without guilty feelings associated with it.

There used to be a lot of genuine laughter at our house. I don't mean to brag or anything, but we have a pretty neat little family. There is a lot of fun to be had. A lot of smiles, giggles, and laughter. A lot of game playing, tickling, rough housing...just a lot of love shared between us all. We are all crazy about each other (well most times:)...I can't get too nostalgic.

When you go through a death in the family, death of a child, you get really wrapped up in yourselves. I am really wrapped up in my own grief. We talk about what each other is going through, but we each have to work it out and find the best ways to cope within ourself. Cory and I have decided that we need to plan a little getaway, just the two of us. We were generously given a condo in Scottsdale to stay in for a long weekend. My family will be taking care of the kids. They are both a little nervous about us leaving and probably a little jealous that we are going on a plane and they are not. We think they will have enough distractions staying at Sherri's house that they will hardly know we are gone. And if we promise to bring them back a snow globe we should be a-ok. (They have decided to start a snow globe collection). Help me! I do not like a lot of knick-nacks! But I will do anything for those little buggers. Hopefully the trip will reconnect us and we can share a few hardly laughs. We know those Arizonians will be laughing at us when we step out in our swim suits to enjoy the outdoor pool when it is 75 degrees! We went a few years ago and all the outdoor pools were shut down and here Cory and I were with our suits and towels ready to lounge by the pool with our books and towels in hand. Hey, we are from Minnesota! It was 72 degrees in December!

I know that some people are hesitant to leave a message for us on this blog or can't figure it out, but we'd love to know where it has traveled. Thanks for reading.