A night out...

Last night a friend of mine forced me to leave the house with her. I didn't really want to go but I pushed myself to do it anyway. I will admit it did feel good to get out of the house for a little bit. We just did a little shopping and sat down for a burger and a drink. Of course these days I am not really buying too many clothing items as absolutely nothing fits right or looks good. At least when you have a baby with you wherever you go you feel like you have an excuse to look pudgy. When you have empty arms it just makes you feel like a blob of mush and you get angry at yourself. It may have helped if I would have chosen a simple salad, fruit, and diet drink, but nooo...I went for it with a burger, fries, and a strawberry margarita!

As we strolled around the mall we entered Victoria Secret. maybe some cute underwear and matching bra might make a girl feel good for a little bit. I was actually in VS two days before we heard the horrifing news about our baby. I was there to look for something cute to wear for my hospital stay...this was my last baby, I wanted to treat myself a little. While in there I ran into an old aquaintance. She was actually the wife of a chiroprator we had taken our kids too. They actually had a baby girl who had died at 2 months old...if I remember right she had a brain aneorism. This was one of those couple I wanted to reach out to but just didn't know what to do.

Anyway, I kept peeking around the store...in the attempt to ditch out if I spotted her. She had helped me find something to wear just a few weeks earlier. As luck would have it I almost ran right into her. She was a little startled and then she recognized who I was. Immediately she looked to my belly. It was obvious I was no longer pregnant. We talked to a brief moment and then I felt I just needed to spit it out. We cried together and she held me. We talked about things. It makes me wonder are all these things coincidences? Are they meant to happen? On Tuesday when we attended that remembrance service I saw her daughters picture on the slide show. It all seems a little weird to have happened in that sequence. I am sure I will be in touch with her. We have different stories, but we are both still hurting. She ended up having another little girl!

I do know now that sleeping, cuddling, and crying into Beckett's blanket is normal! Someone else does it. Since I am more of an introvert than extrovert, I think I will need to push myself to reach out to these other moms. I actually felt sick after talking with her, my friend said she felt the same way. However, I also felt some hope for myself...for my family.

On another note, my younger sister and her little girl Julia are heading this way for the weekend. We are very excited to have them staying with us. I have a few creative jobs for her to help me with. We will see what we can get done with 2 little tots running around. I better get the house a little shaped up before they arrive.

Thanks for all the prayers, e-mails, phone calls, letters, cards, packages for kids, food, magazines, coffee...it is all so wonderful and truly is helping us-keeping me sane!