Raise your hand if you are excited for Liv's birthday? ME! ME!

I can't believe our baby girl is going to be turning one! I think back to about this very time last year and how I was so desperately struggling to keep myself sane. No kidding. I went in for the amnio and the results not good. The second amnio a week later...not good. It was an incredibly low time for me. I was sick with fear. My anxiety level had reached an all time high (obviously I looked the part too because my doctor was a little concerned about my mental health). Well, I am not mental this year! This year my heart wants to leap out of my chest. I am bursting with gratitude and love for my baby girl. I feel like we are approaching a huge milestone that I was never sure would come. It is exciting. It feels wonderful.

Liv has really been showing a lot of personality. She is so darn cute...I can't get enough. I will notice her naked toes when she is sitting in her high chair and I must nibble on them. When she flashes her smile I need to squeeze her. When she starts flapping her wings in excitement, I need to scoop her up and plant kisses on her. I am just so in love with this little human being.

She is a stinker...into EVERYTHING. If there is a cupboard, she opens it. If there is a bin of toys or laundry, she will thrown each item out one by one. If something resembles food on the floor, it is in her mouth in a flash. If she is quarantined to a space, she will protest. If there is a magazine, she will rip it. If there is a toilet near by she will try and swish her hands in the water. If there is a garbage, she needs to look inside. If there is a computer, she needs to try and rip they keys off the board (I am currently missing my Y, arrow key, and enter button). If there is a baby in eye sight, she must be next too him/her. Loosing Beckett, has given me the patience to take everything in stride. If I start getting a little frustrated, I always stop and think about Beckett and what I would not give to have him here and everything seems so trivial. What a wonderful gift from our little guy.

Really? Really...

Three weeks ago, one of my dearest friends, Donna...lost her brother. It was not a sudden death, but rather a journey that their whole family was a part of. They had a couple of weeks together surrounding him at his bedside. A truly remarkable story and one that will tug at your heart. He died with dignity and surrounded by his family...hearing the story (not being there), I would assume the feeling of love and admiration for him was palpable in that room for those couple of weeks. What an amazing story of love, friendship, and a family's unwavering love.

Today, I got a call from Donna. I was surprised to see her name on my caller ID at this time of the day...it was unusual for a weekday. Within the first few words of our conversation, I knew something was not right. I could hear the pain in her voice immediately. She was calling to let me know her dad died. Immediately, my heart sunk as I listened to her tell me what had happened. It was an unexpected death. And just 3 weeks after they buried their beloved brother and son. Seriously?! Really?!

Dear God,
Isn't this just a little bit too much to ask of one family? To just begin to grieve the loss of their brother and son...and then to have to start this whole process over again to say good bye to their father and husband? I don't get it. I don't understand. It seems so cruel. It just isn't fair. No one understands the reasons...but please wrap your arms around them as they try to understand and make peace in their hearts of all this loss and sadness. May he be peaceful and blissfully happy...in heaven.

Amen

Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. This will take an enormous amount of strength to get through...

Dad's are pretty special people. They are a little girls first love. They seem invincible...powerful...strong. My dad was always a bit mysterious. Emotionally tough...that is what I remember anyway. I always knew my dad loved me...even if he had a tough time showing it sometimes. I have lots of fond memories of my dad. Here are just a few...getting to take the staples out of the bottom of his work boots after he got home. He put his feet up in the recliner and we'd get a screwdriver and pry them out. Sometimes he'd let us take off his boots too (but we had to be careful not to tickle his feet). He took us out of the boat all the time to fish. After we were done fishing he'd make huge waves and we imagined we were driving over whales. I remember catching crayfish and having huge feasts. I remember the special gifts he'd go buy us for our birthdays. He usually put them in huge windshield boxes. I remember all the trips up north to the cabin. He would buy us liquorice, boston baked beans, burnt peanuts. I remember the years spent building our house at the lake. He built it himself. He knew I really loved this little pick-up. He fixed it all up for me to have in high school. I loved my little white Chevy Luv pickup (4 speed on the floor:). He was always there when I needed him. He still is always there for me and my family. Now we are making a host of new memories and I am eternally grateful!! Because Donna doesn't get to say all these things to her dad anymore...I love you dad! Thank you for being the greatest dad in the world!

I have an opinion to share today. It was prompted by a heart wrenching story I read in our local paper today. A sixteen year old girl took her life Thursday morning. She appears she may have been bullied by classmates through texting and facebook. I am so sick of hearing these stories of these beautiful kids taking their own life! No one knows all the information in these situations, but what one can conclude is that it is so senseless. Why do kids feel the need to tirelessly pursue others and torment them? We definitely had the kids that were "picked" on in school and I am sure they felt miserable, but at least there was no texting or FB to continue the tormenting when they got to the safety of their home. There is no shut off for some of these kids.

I was teased until I was in the 4th grade about my weight. I was fat. I knew I was fat. I distinctly remember wanting specific jeans but I could not fit into the "cool" jeans. My mom made me buy Hunt Club brand at JCPenney's because they had "husky" sizes. I cried and cried. I did not want those jeans! I wanted to fit it and be cool. I remember being at a friends house and we were all getting hungry. I was told I could only have dried mustard and water because I was too fat. The gave me a water bottle and put the dried mustard on the straw part. It was mortifying.

I remember going to the bathroom one time and sitting there and looking down at my "fat rolls". I think I probably had up to seven or eight. It was then I distinctly remember wanting to get a knife and just cut those fat rolls off. They were out of control. 

I can't say that I did anything to prevent the rolls...there is actual video footage of my chubby self walking down to the lake with a cookie in each hand, one piece suit on, the sounds of my heavy feet walking onto the dock and beautifully posing in front of the video camera shoving the cookies in my face in a dramatic way! I guess I owned it:)

One pivotal moment happened when I was in the fourth grade. It was after school and I was standing on the 1st floor of St. Anthony's near the bathroom on the east side of the building. I was looking at the magazines on a rack in the hallway. I had on frosted blue jeans. My hair was mulletish. Mrs. Salzl came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. "Holly you are really starting to thin out!" And that is all it took to help me gain some confidence. One kind word. I am not saying all my issues stopped there because they did not (I still struggle with my body image), but obviously it meant a lot and went a long way. It was a HUGE (no pun intended) turn around for me.

I know that my story is tame and mellow compared to many. I know that my story is a really common one. The point is that I know teasing can hurt and stick with you. I know that life for many teens and grade schoolers is far more difficult to maneuver through in 2010. There are so many avenues to be degraded and dehumanized...and it can be done so easily and anonymously. It is not fair. It is not right.

I was not a perfect student or friend all the time growing up. I may even have left a mark on someone I don't even realize. BUT, you can be sure that I talk to my kids almost daily about the importance of accepting kids that are different or seem "weird". I always tell them to be kind and treat people the way you want to be treated. I give them examples of how their feelings have been hurt and using that as a way to demonstrate how they can make others feel by their actions. Does anyone really want to sit by the kids who picks his nose and does unmentionable things with his mucus? NO, but you have a choice in how you react. Do you really want to pick one of the worst players to be on your kickball team? NO, but you could throw them a bone once in a while or cheer them on when it is there turn so they gain some confidence.

I know my kids are not perfect, nor am I, but I hope the talks help them make good choices (even if it is not popular). I hope they hear that voice in their head.

Holden was telling me that a teacher came up to him and his friend and thanked them for sitting by a kid without her asking them to. He wondered why she would say that to them. I gave him my two cents and told him I was proud. He told me that this kid is a "little weird" but he likes them. I told him he may not have many friends so he is not sure how to act around other kids but to give him a chance. He told me that this kids said some "weird" things and Holden was pretty sure he was talking about things happening in his imagination, but he said him and his other friend just listened and nodded their head. I was so proud in that moment hearing him talk so sincerely.

This morning he told me that he was a captain to pick teams yesterday and there were 10 kids left and he still picked this kid even though some others were better. I guess he threw caution to the wind and picked another unlikely gal. I guess the other captain also chose an unlikely person as well after that. I was and am SO proud of him. He did the unpopular thing and went with his heart...and someone else followed. Interesting how one act can cause a ripple effect.

Maybe if there was just one or two people who would have stood up for this 16 year old girl to stop the bullying she'd be here today. I hope everyone starts taking bullying seriously (victim or not) and takes some action!

First off, congrats to my cousin and her family who welcomed a healthy little girl to their family this weekend. I just LOVE hearing news like that!!

So, Halloween was a little interesting. We discovered Liv was "not a fan" of costumes. Halloween was not too exciting for her, rather, a terrifying event. We managed to get some pictures of her in costume but she really hated it. She toughed out some trick or treating, but was happy to be home! Here are a few pictures of the kids.

Holden is the skeleton and Grace is the cat. The other kids are neighborhood friends.



Holden, Grace, &v Liv (she wants nothing to do with this)!

Another big event on Sunday was Reformation Sunday. Holden received his first Bible at church. He was so excited to get it. We had to take classes on how to use it before he could receive it. He is already on Chapter 3. He says he is going to read the whole thing. I don't want to tell him that Grace has already read through 3/4 of our Bible!! Go figure she is a speed reader...



This is our pastor and her son. He was showing Holden the Bible he got.

In other big family news....drum roll...Grace lost her first tooth!! Very exciting for her. She woke up Friday and ran in to tell me her tooth was missing. We went to search the bed and surrounding area. No luck! I noticed a white speck in her hair and thank goodness it was her tooth. She wants the world to know!



And now you do! Wish I looked that cute making a face like that:)