It has been a while since I have been choked up. I guess choked up is not the word...maybe suffocated. I was cleaning out my buffet and came across a thank-you card with a card made by the funeral home. I don't know what they call those pamphlet things. It announced the death of Beckett. My heart started pounding. I just sat there and stared at that mold of his foot. And I was overcome by grief of never getting the chance to kiss those little toes. I then came across the picture book with all of Beck's photos. And I sat there and cried...sobbed. He was so beautiful. He was my little baby and he was dead. I just can't believe the magnitude of what has happened. What happened to him!
I have not let myself cry for quite some time. I have not let myself feel the heaviness of our loss for quite some time.
I miss that little boy with every fiber of my being.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
So....it has been a while since I have been able to sit down and update my blog! The days are flying by. Generally, they are filled with lots of activity. Our past 3 days though have been wonderful! Nothing like opening all the windows and letting the fresh air in. A break from the heat has been nice.
We just spent a week in my hometown area with family and friends. I got to see my dear friend who was here from Oregon. Cory had a class reunion the last weekend in July. Saturday night turned into a VERY late night extravaganza! We had a blast. Who would have thought I'd thoroughly enjoy my husbands class reunion? We got home just before 4am. Laughing and talking until we noticed the time and thought it might be good to call it a night!! When I spoke with Donna the next day she had planned to meet up with us Sunday night. UGH! I had it in my mind we'd meet Monday afternoon. Anywho, I had 2 hours to pack the kids up for a week and drive 3 hours...alone...with 3 kids (who are not the best travlers)...on a little less than 3 hours of sleep. To my great surprise, the kids were rockstars!! The Diet Coke kept me peppy!!! We made it safe and sound with no traffic and minor crying from Liv!!!! Yeah.
I got to enjoy a wonderful visit with Donna and Matt. Donna is a good friend from high school. We cemented that bond when we left for college. Most people spends hours and hours researching schools...it seems we both thought Aberdeen, SD looked like a nice place...so why not? So off we were to try our hand at being adults. Many, many stories I could share. Well...why not one?
So we drive to Aberdeen for a tour of Northern State University. It was months into winter. Snow covered everything! We are driving around the campus looking for the entrance to get us to the Admissions Office (or something like that)...in my Turismo 2.2, I might add. We see two large gates that looked very inviting and there was clearly a path cleared...so it must be where you go, right? We head through the middle of the gates, taking in the scenery, scanning for good looking boys. Everyone seemed really friendly. A lot of people seemed to take notice of us. We smiled, trying our best to look as friendly and outgoing as possible. We noticed a few snickers...we got a little self conscious...paid a little more attention. We were MORTIFIED when we realized that we were actually DRIVING THROUGH CAMPUS!!!!!! We were driving on the sidewalks....MEANT FOR STUDENTS!! We swiftly found a way out of there and now can laugh about it until we almost pee our pants. We made lots of memories together. Some not our "brightest" moments. Donna was wonderful to us when Beck died. She is a great friend. I cherish our time together. Now if I could just get her to move back, just a smidgen closer!
The kids are doing great. Grace is preparing to enter Kindergarten. I have mixed feelings about all of it! It is so hard to let go and be excited. The upside to that is I get to have Liv all too myself for a couple of hours anyway. She will no doubt miss her siblings while they are at school! She looks for them all the time. The second she hears one of their voices her head is spinning around to find them. They have encouraged her to reach all her milestones so far:) Let's see...she is sitting, crawling, moving swiftly from place to place, she can pull herself up on everything, she can stand for up to 10 seconds without support, she can almost do a complete back flip out of my arms and car seat, she can say mama (whether or not it is specifically for me-still yet to be determined), she claps her hands with much enthusiasm. She is a VERY (understatement) busy gal. She is a risk taker. She will not be left behind. She is a lot of work!
There is not one minute that goes by that I am not thankful for her presence in our lives. She has brought so much love, joy and happiness to our lives. She is just such a special little girl. I think we all feel that. We all needed someone like her to step in and help us heal. I squeeze her so tight and tell her how special she is to all of us all the time.
And now for a few pictures...
Smore face
Spud logo
Cragun's
Grace relaxing
Holden at Cragun's
Liv and Cory-Cragun's
Loving the grass
Liv
We just spent a week in my hometown area with family and friends. I got to see my dear friend who was here from Oregon. Cory had a class reunion the last weekend in July. Saturday night turned into a VERY late night extravaganza! We had a blast. Who would have thought I'd thoroughly enjoy my husbands class reunion? We got home just before 4am. Laughing and talking until we noticed the time and thought it might be good to call it a night!! When I spoke with Donna the next day she had planned to meet up with us Sunday night. UGH! I had it in my mind we'd meet Monday afternoon. Anywho, I had 2 hours to pack the kids up for a week and drive 3 hours...alone...with 3 kids (who are not the best travlers)...on a little less than 3 hours of sleep. To my great surprise, the kids were rockstars!! The Diet Coke kept me peppy!!! We made it safe and sound with no traffic and minor crying from Liv!!!! Yeah.
I got to enjoy a wonderful visit with Donna and Matt. Donna is a good friend from high school. We cemented that bond when we left for college. Most people spends hours and hours researching schools...it seems we both thought Aberdeen, SD looked like a nice place...so why not? So off we were to try our hand at being adults. Many, many stories I could share. Well...why not one?
So we drive to Aberdeen for a tour of Northern State University. It was months into winter. Snow covered everything! We are driving around the campus looking for the entrance to get us to the Admissions Office (or something like that)...in my Turismo 2.2, I might add. We see two large gates that looked very inviting and there was clearly a path cleared...so it must be where you go, right? We head through the middle of the gates, taking in the scenery, scanning for good looking boys. Everyone seemed really friendly. A lot of people seemed to take notice of us. We smiled, trying our best to look as friendly and outgoing as possible. We noticed a few snickers...we got a little self conscious...paid a little more attention. We were MORTIFIED when we realized that we were actually DRIVING THROUGH CAMPUS!!!!!! We were driving on the sidewalks....MEANT FOR STUDENTS!! We swiftly found a way out of there and now can laugh about it until we almost pee our pants. We made lots of memories together. Some not our "brightest" moments. Donna was wonderful to us when Beck died. She is a great friend. I cherish our time together. Now if I could just get her to move back, just a smidgen closer!
The kids are doing great. Grace is preparing to enter Kindergarten. I have mixed feelings about all of it! It is so hard to let go and be excited. The upside to that is I get to have Liv all too myself for a couple of hours anyway. She will no doubt miss her siblings while they are at school! She looks for them all the time. The second she hears one of their voices her head is spinning around to find them. They have encouraged her to reach all her milestones so far:) Let's see...she is sitting, crawling, moving swiftly from place to place, she can pull herself up on everything, she can stand for up to 10 seconds without support, she can almost do a complete back flip out of my arms and car seat, she can say mama (whether or not it is specifically for me-still yet to be determined), she claps her hands with much enthusiasm. She is a VERY (understatement) busy gal. She is a risk taker. She will not be left behind. She is a lot of work!
There is not one minute that goes by that I am not thankful for her presence in our lives. She has brought so much love, joy and happiness to our lives. She is just such a special little girl. I think we all feel that. We all needed someone like her to step in and help us heal. I squeeze her so tight and tell her how special she is to all of us all the time.
And now for a few pictures...
Smore face
Spud logo
Cragun's
Grace relaxing
Holden at Cragun's
Liv and Cory-Cragun's
Loving the grass
Liv
She moved a lot of business to get to this location and chew on wrapping paper!! I caught her and was able to get one picture that turned out because I was giggling so hard!
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