Happy Easter!

I was gently woken up this morning by a soft rub on my arm. I reluctantly opened one eye to peek at who was waking me from my deep slumber. There was the sweetest face looking at me with the hugest grin plastered on. Her eyes were dancing. In a whisper, "Happy Easter Mommy". Even though I saw the time, 6:37am, I could not help but listen intently to her telling me that the easter bunny was here! "That is great! How exciting! How about you come into bed between mommy and daddy for a bit?" (please, please, please)...."Ahhh, okay." I got a good 15 minutes more before we were woken by loud sighs...and the day began.

The littlest Klinnert really had no idea what was going on...and what is the point of finding these eggs?? Grace and Holden immediately went into egg finding mode like pros. They quickly left Liv behind. All she wanted to do was eat the jelly beans and m&m's anyway:)

We spent the afternoon with Grandma and Grandpa Spielman. The kids found some eggs, got to eat some delicious ham, and played outside...It was a very nice day.

When we got back home, we took an easter basket to Beckett. We each wrote a note to him and tucked them into plastic eggs. It was the first time to visit his grave since last fall. It felt good. When we approached we noticed to very large bunnies grazing in the "kids" section. Obviously bunnies are everywhere...but since there were two and they stuck around for a picture...I'd like to think it was Ann and Beckett.

We noticed a couple of new things at Beck's grave. I can not even tell you how much it means to me that someone takes the time to stop there and drop off a trinket. It just makes me so happy to know that others remember him too. I wish I'd know who brings things there...so I could thank them, but most are anonymous. There was a blue bear there with a note taped to his hand, but the type had been mostly washed away...so whoever you are thank you! There is also an angel perched on his stone. It is very sweet. Again, no idea who placed it there but thank you. The kids are just tickled about those types of things...who else would come here??

Part of me does wonder though if those items are just placed there by a random person...maybe someone who feels like he is forgotten because his spot is quite bare compared to the others there. That thought makes me feel a bit guilty because I do not place a lot of things there. I guess it is still a sore spot. It is not for lack of caring...far from it. It is just so sad for me to place items there...I can't put it into words. So, I am thankful for the people that do it for me.

Here are a few pictures from the day...I finally got a couple of Holden when he isn't covering his face or running from the camera. All it took was a little threat of taking away PS 3 for a week.

This is as good as it gets of all 3!

The sun was a little shiny.

The girls with Fernando.

Shades, my basket, and a stolen chocolate bunny.



Ann and Beckett:)




I love this picture...the kids reflecting at Beck'd grave.




And the accidental funny of the day!! LOL...Could you have placed those Elmo's any better Cory?



Happy Friday!

Hard to believe that just a few days ago we were outside in tee shirts feeling the warmth of the sun and loving it....to today...cold, snowy, rainy, sleety, cloudy. Oh well!

Here is a few random pictures from this week. Liv has come to love two things this week. 1. the cozy coupe and 2. having her snacks in a martini glass (plastic). She must be my daughter! HA!



One too many pieces of Life cereal!!



 

The girls and I embarked on a "girl's only" trip this weekend. We enjoyed a beautiful car ride to St. Michael. The sun was beating on us and it felt amazing. Well...in theory it felt amazing. We took daddy's car, which at the present time does not have AC. I could not get any type of air circulation so we suffered until we couldn't anymore and then let the windows down until we could not stand that anymore. Grace was whining telling me she was so hot she was sweating. Come to find out that was just Sprite she drizzled all over her head. She had a light bulb moment remembering her umbrella was in her backpack just for an emergency like this one. She popped the umbrella and used it as a sun shade. It worked great and no more complaining.

We got to Sherri's house and were greeted by her son Cole. I got the, "I thought this was a girls only weekend?" We spend the next half and hour playing outside on the swing set, exploring grass, walking the neighborhood and then all the way down to the pond they have in the neighborhood. Liv's little legs just kept going and going and going. It was BEAUTIFUL outside! Liv finally got a little tired on the trek back up the hill. So I picked her up and she nuzzled into the crook of my neck and just laid there...pooped! It was so sweet.

Then we got to go to Julia's for the real "girl weekend" (well it was like 24 hours, but Grace did not need to know all the details). Grandma Audrey was there too. We had lots of fun together. The girls played so well. The next day was some big girl alone time. We made a brief trip to Buffalo to pick up some coffee and visit some of the little boutiques. That is my favorite kind of shopping:)

Then it was time for the girls and I to head to Watkins for the rest of the weekend. Grace says "Is grandpa going to be there?" "Yes." "Then how is that a girls weekend?" I told her to "Put a wig on him!".

I needed to be back in Watkins for a gathering of friends with the Neisen family to come together and remember Kris. It was so good to see everyone again. He is certainly a very missed person in this world! It was great to look at photos and share stories. Of course, the gathering went into the Sunday morning hours. It was a lot of fun and a good break from parenthood.

Meanwhile, the boys were back in Moorhead...having a real "boy" weekend. Cory and Holden got to hang out all weekend together doing buy stuff like hockey games, video games, batting cages, more hockey games, dinner out, and a friend to come and hang (do the say a play date anymore at this age?:). Cory said Holden was loving it and wished....let me guess...that every weekend could be boy weekend....correct answer! Holden's only wish was that his little brother Beckett was with them. *tear*

Do you know how much that breaks my heart to hear? It feels like my heart is being squeezed in a vice and my breath taken away. I know how bad he wanted that brother. I can picture the two of them wrestling on the floor. I can see Holden teaching him hockey tricks out in the driveway. I can see Holden coming to me and begging me to keep him away from him and his friends because he is annoying them. It hurts to know that he was so close to having his brother he wanted so bad. It hurts to know he carries that feeling of loss and wishing things would been different too. I think back to the single family photo we have of the five of us together. The one that shows Cory, Holden and I looking at Beckett...trying to be brave...trying to act happy...trying to appreciate the moment...trying not to burst into tears and scream out all the pain that was swallowing us up inside...trying to take that one photo of all of us together knowing that we would NEVER have that moment again. And yes, it is that same pictures where Grace is looking right into the camera with her HUGE grin...happy to be next to our new baby. She had no idea.

Although there is a definite absence of a little boy in our life, we are so thankful for all that we do have. We are lucky and can't waste time feeling sorry for ourselves. We need to live each day being thankful that we have it.

Happy 20 year anniversary to my sister Sherri and her husand Bill!! 20 years...it is hard to believe it has been that long. I distinctly remember her wedding day. I remember being so proud she was my sister. I thought she was the most beautiful bride. It was a blast of a wedding. She might kill me for telling this story, but let me just preface it with...this is totally out of character for her! I remember being in the bathroom at the same time and she was blubbering about how much she loved me. I remember being a little confused and she seemed a little different (I am 10 years younger). Turns out she had a little too much drinky, drinky and had to be carried out at the end of the night over her grooms shoulder. He had a little trouble with his 100 pound bride in getting her into the car. She got a whopper on her head! TOO FUNNY:) So congrats to the two of you and making it 20 years! Enjoy your day on the beach in Florida! Cheers:)

Cheers to Conehead as well, it is his birthday today!

Yesterday finally felt like a spring day in Moorhead! We even noticed that we can now make it to Beckett's gravesite. It has been way to long a winter and it has been way to long since I have been able to visit where his body rests. I miss being able to go there. Soon enough all this snow will be gone and we can take our walks there.

Last night, Liv was just itching to get outside. She is going to be an outdoor girl! I took her outside for a little walk. She loved it! Her little legs were booking it. She squealed with delight and stopped a number of times to pick up a rock or touch a puddle. And then we came upon a large puddle of water. With no hesitation, she ran through it. She was grinning from ear to ear. I had to bring her in to get changed and she screamed the whole time.

We went out for round two with Grace and dad this time. Liv knew exactly where the puddle was and went for it once again. This time her sister joined her:) They were so cute sloshing through the water. It was another fight to get her to go inside and get dried off. Another child with a fiercely strong will! We got a few good shots of the fun.

I was not born with the natural gift of gab. I was painfully shy at certain points in my life. In environments where I feel comfortable, I can talk your ear off (just ask Cory~I don't think he appreciates this upon just opening his eyes). It has always been a bit of a struggle for me to form relationships because I get so anxious and never spit out the words I want. It is one thing I wish I could change about me. It can be inhibiting. It can be frustrating. I got pretty good at it when I was working as a case worker. Then I stopped working to raise our family and I regressed.

I don't really know why I am sharing this with the world because it is quite embarrassing. It seems so simple to just say "Hello, how are you?" In my mind, I know this. But, I get nervous and tongue tied at times. It is hard to explain. But, there was one woman I was introduced to through a friend recently. We made small talk. Then I'd see her here and there and did not strike up another conversation because...well, see above. I need to get over this stupid road block because I can miss out on some really great people.

Last week, I heard that she found out she had stage 4 breast cancer. Immediately, I just felt sick inside. She has a family with two small boys. It is not fair! I think of how heartbreaking it would be to look at your babies and think all those thoughts you know you would. One day everything is great...the next day can be a life changer.

I have not been able to stop thinking about her or her family. I pray for her. I pray for them. I ask you to join me. I found her blog and let me warn you...grab a box of Kleenex. She is an amazing writer. You feel like you are in the room with her. Hopefully she won't mind that I linked to her blog but I think she'd appreciate the extra prayers and support. You will be inspired by her spirit. You will wish you knew her. In addition, on the right hand side of the blog, you can click to purchase a bracelet made of hockey laces. The proceeds go to the family. I put my order in today and I hope you do to!

http://thewestraworld.blogspot.com/