The girls and I embarked on a "girl's only" trip this weekend. We enjoyed a beautiful car ride to St. Michael. The sun was beating on us and it felt amazing. Well...in theory it felt amazing. We took daddy's car, which at the present time does not have AC. I could not get any type of air circulation so we suffered until we couldn't anymore and then let the windows down until we could not stand that anymore. Grace was whining telling me she was so hot she was sweating. Come to find out that was just Sprite she drizzled all over her head. She had a light bulb moment remembering her umbrella was in her backpack just for an emergency like this one. She popped the umbrella and used it as a sun shade. It worked great and no more complaining.

We got to Sherri's house and were greeted by her son Cole. I got the, "I thought this was a girls only weekend?" We spend the next half and hour playing outside on the swing set, exploring grass, walking the neighborhood and then all the way down to the pond they have in the neighborhood. Liv's little legs just kept going and going and going. It was BEAUTIFUL outside! Liv finally got a little tired on the trek back up the hill. So I picked her up and she nuzzled into the crook of my neck and just laid there...pooped! It was so sweet.

Then we got to go to Julia's for the real "girl weekend" (well it was like 24 hours, but Grace did not need to know all the details). Grandma Audrey was there too. We had lots of fun together. The girls played so well. The next day was some big girl alone time. We made a brief trip to Buffalo to pick up some coffee and visit some of the little boutiques. That is my favorite kind of shopping:)

Then it was time for the girls and I to head to Watkins for the rest of the weekend. Grace says "Is grandpa going to be there?" "Yes." "Then how is that a girls weekend?" I told her to "Put a wig on him!".

I needed to be back in Watkins for a gathering of friends with the Neisen family to come together and remember Kris. It was so good to see everyone again. He is certainly a very missed person in this world! It was great to look at photos and share stories. Of course, the gathering went into the Sunday morning hours. It was a lot of fun and a good break from parenthood.

Meanwhile, the boys were back in Moorhead...having a real "boy" weekend. Cory and Holden got to hang out all weekend together doing buy stuff like hockey games, video games, batting cages, more hockey games, dinner out, and a friend to come and hang (do the say a play date anymore at this age?:). Cory said Holden was loving it and wished....let me guess...that every weekend could be boy weekend....correct answer! Holden's only wish was that his little brother Beckett was with them. *tear*

Do you know how much that breaks my heart to hear? It feels like my heart is being squeezed in a vice and my breath taken away. I know how bad he wanted that brother. I can picture the two of them wrestling on the floor. I can see Holden teaching him hockey tricks out in the driveway. I can see Holden coming to me and begging me to keep him away from him and his friends because he is annoying them. It hurts to know that he was so close to having his brother he wanted so bad. It hurts to know he carries that feeling of loss and wishing things would been different too. I think back to the single family photo we have of the five of us together. The one that shows Cory, Holden and I looking at Beckett...trying to be brave...trying to act happy...trying to appreciate the moment...trying not to burst into tears and scream out all the pain that was swallowing us up inside...trying to take that one photo of all of us together knowing that we would NEVER have that moment again. And yes, it is that same pictures where Grace is looking right into the camera with her HUGE grin...happy to be next to our new baby. She had no idea.

Although there is a definite absence of a little boy in our life, we are so thankful for all that we do have. We are lucky and can't waste time feeling sorry for ourselves. We need to live each day being thankful that we have it.