They say times heals and that in time the pain will not be so great...not that many people can be wrong can they? I feel like as time has past the pain is worse. It is a different kind of heartache than in the previous 2 weeks. I think the finality of it is settling in. I realize that time will not stop. It keeps going. My sister described it best...it's like you are in a movie and all the characters are spinning around you and you are standing still. That is exactly how it feels. You want to cry out "STOP", just let me be here...but it keeps going. That is becoming more and more of a reality and it cuts you.
The pain of knowing what all these days should have been is excruciatingly painful as well. Regular life starts tomorrow for us. I have to put Holden on the bus. Take Grace to her gymnastics. Feed my husband and Grace lunch. All the routine things that up to this point have been taken care of for me. Maybe it will be a good thing. It is hard right now to see all the positives.
I miss Beckett with such a ferocity. I fell in love and it was taken so quickly. I miss him. I want him back. I want him with us. It is getting harder and harder to look at all the pictures. I did not expect that. I just really hope that he know how much we love and miss him. I hope that from in the heavens he can see how much we love him. Does that happen in heaven?
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