Empty Arms

It is really interesting to me how your body still acts like it is pregnant or that it is caring for a child. It is actually really cruel. I think I shoudl lobby for research to come up with a serum that erases all of the aftermath of pregnancy for those who loose their children. Maybe the Days of Our Lives directors have something cool I can take. I woke last night after dreaming about having a baby. I never found out if it was a boy or a girl, I was just screaming at the nurses and doctor "Is the baby okay? Is the baby okay?" I woke to find that I was wet from breast milk. Great, get up put some pads in, change shirt and go back to bed. It all seems to cruel. We used to laugh when something like that would happen-amazement at the human body...now it just really irritates me.

When I woke early this morning, well I initially woke because I had a 6 year old stalking us (when will he learn to just tap us on the shoulder), I had my quiet time. I consider this my quiet time with my baby boy...I just let the tears fall and his blanket catch them. Of course, wouldn't you know it I had a let down. Seriously!!! Leave me alone. I don't want to think that I would have been waking up to nurse him, taking him downstairs to cuddle him before anyone else woke up, sharing that precious quiet time with baby that you don't get too often with older kids.

I used to complain that I always had to get up, but now I know that was a gift. If we ever come together and decide that we want to try for a fourth child (you will probably catch me still complaining)...but I will revel in those moments.