Packing...not as easy as I thought

I am looking forward to our trip to Arizona. We thought we might want to start thinking about packing. Easier said than done. For all the moms out there, with the exception of a few lucky ones, remember how much your body changes after being pregnant? I am completely disgusted with the way I look. I find that it is very difficult to shed the pounds. Nursing really helped me get my body back. This time it is a little different. Not such a big deal right? I just had a baby...I should give myself some time, but when you are trying to pack for a trip to warm weather it isn't such a simple thing to forgive. I had to dig through all of my maternity clothes to try and find some bottoms and tops that will work. I am not even close to getting back into my old clothes! Wearing maternity items, isn't exactly good for the self-esteem, especially when you are teetering on the depressive side.

The problem with maternity bottoms isn't that they are not comfortable, but you need long tops to go with them. I don't have anything that does not make me look pregnant and the last thing I want is for people to ask me that when we are getting away to try and enjoy our time and not focus on the things we have lost. Not only that but wearing those maternity clothes brings me much sadness. When I last wore them I was happy, carefree, and excited about the little bundle in my belly. Now they signify the pain of what we have lost. It all just keeps slapping me in the face. When I went to my clothes storage room I had to walk by all of Beckett's things. The bag of diapers, his crib mattress, his toys, car seat, his clothes that were all ready for him. To top it off, there was one basket that I knocked over and I had to pick up all items. That was painful to say the least. I am really trying to remain positive and focus on all the good things in my life. Every time I think I am making some progress I get pushed back. It is like I am running up a hill and I keep falling or it is too steep to keep climbing and I need to rest and throw a temper tantrum.

That is what I am doing right now, throwing a temper tantrum. Having a pity party for myself. I hate to be that person.