My mom and godmother Ann came last night to spend a few days. I am thankful for their presence. Not only are they funny, but it gives me a little break in the grieving. Not that I do not think of little Beckett all the time, but a break from crying. When there is a buzz in the house and conversation it allows a rest because there is so much to talk about and do. We went to scout out a few places for something to mark Beckett's grave so we can find it in the winter. We have not decided on a headstone yet. It is just to fresh and too hard to think about that. It is the last thing we have to do in the chain of events for Beckett. It is hard to do it. It is so final.

I know there is no time limit to grieving or for how long you stay in one spot in the process. I feel that sometimes I still have not accepted that he is gone and not coming back. I have to tell my myself a few times a day that he is gone, he is not coming back. It still has not completely settled in yet. Our little boy is in heaven and he will never be with us physically. It is such an enormous life change that I still cannot believe that happened to us...that it is real.

I feel like I am stuck right now. I know this is going to be a long process...I need to be patient. I need to fully feel what each day brings, work through it and start all over the next day. It is a lot of work to start each day...today was a little easier because I had no choice. I woke to Grace requesting a puke bucket. I went into full mom mode from a deep slumber in a matter of seconds, no time to contemplate what the day would bring. Thank goodness the puke bucket was no longer needed past 8am:) Isn't it amazing how quickly you can react to your kids needs?