Lots of action today at the Klinnert house. Holden and Grace's cousins came over to spend the day with us. Interesting morning...we had Christmas with g'ma and g'pa S. last night so there were lots of new toys to play with. In the first hour alone we opened and tried...Barbie head styling thing, bionicle, remote care, swimming puppy, a couple of meltdowns over Pixos, Lego ship, blendy pens, Easy Bake oven, footballs, and bionicle big thing...a little spoiled by grandparents they are. So I spent a lot of time wrestling with the packages, muttering naughty words in my head and breaking a few hearts because we didn't have the right batteries or light bulbs. It is all in good fun, though a bit disorderly! We have officially entered the "tattletale" stage!

I have been thinking a lot about Beckett a lot the last few days. I just miss him so much. I am thinking of his cute little face...I am thinking about what he might look like...I think about how much I wish he was here for Christmas. I picture him a lot in my arms making those little baby sounds. If I allow myself to really think about all that has happened in the last couple of months, I can really stir myself up. I have been allowing myself to really focus on him a couple of times a day...It does not mean the pain has gone away, but it means it is getting easier to get through the days. A part of me hates it, I hate what time does. You don't forget, but it does not occupy your mind 24 hours a day. I hate that because I feel guilty. I feel like I am not being fair to him. It is a struggle to keep a balance and feel good about it.

I told Cory that I keep thinking I should get a tattoo. I have never, ever wanted a tattoo. All of a sudden it feels like it is something I should do. When I told Cory this, he said he has similar feelings. I am not sure I could actually follow through with it, though. I just find myself continuously looking for new ways to memorialize Beckett. Maybe it is because there was so very little time with him, I am trying to do everything possible to make sure his memory does not leave. I want to keep it as vibrant as possible. Do you think Cory would splurge on a trip to L.A. to get a tattoo at L.A. Ink?