What a fun day! I get to have a 2 year old in my house for a couple of days and it is so much fun. I love the conversations and she is so darn cute! Grace has to adjust a little bit to not getting all the attention. I have a feeling that a baby in the house would have been really challenging for her (me). However, I would gladly take that challenge on! Cory and I have been discussing a 4th child and wow, Grace would almost be 5 if we started right away! Gosh...I wonder if she'd be out of diapers?! I'll be sending her off to kindergarten and I'd have to pack a diaper and some wipes for her in case she needed to 'do a duty'.

I called my doctor yesterday with some very important questions for her to answer about getting pregnant again. There are so many things to consider. It is a very scary journey. We don't know if our hearts could take another loss, however, it is something that we need to consider and be aware of. I did get a few answers that would help with the anxieties. I guess there would be additional ultrasounds and monitoring. I would have to go in for a stress test weekly (couldn't that be all day long?). Did you know that 1 out of 200 pregnancies end in stillbirth? That is CRAZY! Why doesn't every pregnant mother get that kind of care? It is a little infuriating that you get it after something tragic happens. How about trying to prevent it and being a little proactive? I don't know if extra monitoring would have saved our Beckett. I had more ultrasounds that typical and everything was always wonderful and normal. My goodness, 2 maybe 1 day before he died I was in the clinic and his heartbeat was so strong. He must have died either Thursday in the middle of the night or Friday. I remember Grace sitting on the chair in the exam room, her big innocent eyes looking at me and a little smile when she heard the heartbeat. I remember walking out of there on top of the world...so very excited that the big day was almost here. What is sad...is I know very well that if we get pregnant again I will never feel that way without a weight on my heart. The constant fear. My friend told me that I probably won't feel safe until that baby is in our arms.

My sweet little angel...