I don't necessarily like talking about the weather...but crap it is cold! I am running a space heater and the fireplace to keep the main floor at a decent temperature. I do not necessarily like being stuck in the house because it is cold, so it is trying my patience. I am glad to have Bunco tonight so I have a legitimate reason to leave the house:) We should have planned that warm vacation after all.

I have not had a good, sobbing cry in about a week. I have just had the sniffles. I wonder when the next wave is going to hit me. I think about Beckett all the time and I am still a little bitter about the whole thing, but it is nice to have these breaks in crying all the time. I never thought the days would come when I could be composed for an entire day, much less a few in a row. It does not mean that the pain is gone, the hole in our hearts gone, or that we do not wish for him to be with us...far from it. I think a person gets so tired and learns to not let your mind relive those dark days all the time. It is like throwing a blanket on it and then you know that eventually it needs to be cleaned...you'll need to lift and up and throw it in the washer. There you are vulnerable and cold. And then you pull it out of the dryer and throw it back on and you are warm and comforted. I fight that a lot. I fight the urge to let myself go back to those days. I am just really tired and I want to be hopeful...I push myself to think ahead to life without Beckett and all the blessings there are waiting for us to embrace.

Thank God for my wonderful children and husband who make forging ahead so much easier.