We had a great New Year's Day...we were invited to play a little hockey at a friend's house. Holden loved it! Grace tried to skate a bit to, but she was a little more stable with her boots. We also started the year off great because GRACE POOPED IN THE POTTY! She just did it as simple as that. I was probably duped about her being "scared". However, in true Grace form...don't get too excited because she had a little "accident" later in the day! Oh, my little girl. She also fell asleep on the way home from skating. That was about 6:15ish. Well, we could not wake her up! I thought for sure I'd be up around 4am making her breakfast. Surprisingly she crawled into bed beside me at about 4, but she just snuggled me and fell back asleep until 7a! I don't think she has ever slept that many hours continuously in her little life.

I didn't fall asleep until 4am so she was looking out for me. I am still struggling with sleep. It is really frustrating. I have never had that problem until Beck died. Now it is probably habit. I just had an awful night. I was so full of fear that something bad was going to happen to Holden, Grace or Cory. I kept thinking well maybe something was wrong with Grace for her to sleep like that. I checked on her a few times. And this is embarrassing and hard to admit, but I kept thinking I'd go into her room and find her not breathing. I was freaking myself out. I considered waking Cory to make him check on her so that way I would not find her. How awful is that? How irrational? I am just so scared that something might happen to them. It is so real to me now, how swiftly life can change. One hour you are happy and excited the next you are shattered. I guess I have just heard of so much tragedy lately, especially precious little ones...that it is difficult to get a handle on the anxiety. It is very traumatic to bury your child...and then go on carefree and ignorant. Ignorance is bliss (I get it now).