Last year...I woke up and started my day like any other. Around noon I noted that the baby was pretty quiet so far. I honestly figured it was settling into position and getting so big that there was not much room to move around. Around 2pm I started to get a little more anxious, but again justified the decreased moves to getting close to delivery. I packed up the kids and headed to the MSUM/Moorhead Spuds parade. Cory met us there. I started having the feeling that maybe something was not right (keep in mind I had no thought that what might be wrong is death). The baby hadn't wiggled throughout the entire parade and I was sitting on a curb, I thought it peculiar. I told Cory that I thought something was wrong. He shrugged it off and said the baby is so big now, there is no room. I remember eating supper and I was pushing on my stomach and thought I felt something...but, I still did not "feel" right. Cory and I spent that night working on the baby's room. He was painting and I was moving items to the kids room. I started to get pretty anxious at this point. I got online and googled a few things. I remember coming upon the word STILLBIRTH. I briefly read it and then passed over it. I thought I was just at the doctor, the baby has been healthy so far, I did not engage in any activities that increase the risk of stillbirth...that simply did not add up. BUT, the term kept flashing in my mind. I told Cory I was going to take a bath and see if that would stir up some movement. I sat in there for 20 minutes...nothing. Some panic settling in-the word stillbirth flashing. I got a glass of OJ and drank that and laid in bed...waiting...nothing. A little more convinced that something was not right (still not really even thinking death)...that wouldn't happen to us. I went to talk to Cory again, he said I was worrying about nothing. I always worry. I sulked back to my room...waiting...for something...thinking well maybe if I go to sleep the baby will be wide awake in the morning. Maybe I will go into labor early? Maybe baby was moving down and getting ready to make an early entrance? Yeah, that is it! It is my 3rd baby...that happens. The baby was just checked by my doctor and everything looked perfect!

The following morning...I woke...the baby did not. I remember being in what I guess might be called denial. Although, honestly...I did not think our baby was dead, but I knew something was not right...but what? We went to Holden's flag football game that morning at 10am. I was an anxious mess. I pushed and poked at my stomach. I tried to bend over to squash the baby to get in to wiggle. Nothing. I sat there for an hour in a daze and slight panic. Naturally, I called the person I always call with "kid" questions...Sherri. I asked her what she thought. She told me I needed to call the birth center. I remember saying, "Really, do you think something could really be wrong? I was just in to see my doctor." She said, "Something could be wrong, but it is probably nothing but call them and call me right back." I called and the nurse frightened me. She seemed shocked that I had not felt the baby move since about 5/6p the night before. She told me to come in immediately and get checked out. Cory was in the store and I was sitting in the car panic settling in. I was a little dazed, confused, worried, and thinking what if? We dropped the kids off at Cory's mom right away and went to the hospital.

On the way there we nervously laughed a little. We bantered back and forth. I told him he could just go with the kids to Brianna's b-day party and I could go to the hospital. He said, "I want to be with you Hol, what if it is something bad?" That is when it hit me. This could be something really bad. I got sick to my stomach. I felt like scared. I could not even imagine what was to follow.