There are quite a few people who try to leave messages but they can't. I am not completely sure of the reason but I changed a few settings and maybe this will help. So if you want you can try again sometime and see if it works.
I have talked about things I have learned from Beckett's death. I learned to love more tenderly and freely. That is something that is hard to do when you are under the blanket of grief. You want to isolate and protect yourself, but doing that will only hurt more down the road. I know the depths of my love for my kids. I love them more tenderly and patiently. That is a gift. A gift Beckett gave me. I just know how precious their life is and how quickly the future can change. It is something I always imagined I'd know...but I did not really realize it until now.
Another gift from him...I get to love him in a way that is (painful, yes) but with no regrets. I did not ever get frustrated with him. I never told him, "Not now, I am busy". I never yelled at him for something he did. I get to love him as a pure, innocent soul. I think that is a gift. I get to love him and when I get to be with him again someday, I can just hold him...rock him...and tell him how much I love him and missed him. I don't have to apologize for anything I regretted.
4 comments:
Holly ~ I am going to try again to post a comment. I loved your entry today. You have such a gift for looking at the positive in all things...I am sure that is not true every day but what you said about having loved Beckett with no regrets is so true. Too often I am impatient with my kids. We are not promised tomorrow with them so we need to try our best to love them every minute. Thanks for reminding me of that!
Hi My Sweet Sister,
I am glad to be able to finally leave a comment on this darn site! I am always amazed at how you handle yourself and how you find the most insightful words to convey your feelings and emotions. You made me think today, and we can all thank little Beck for thegift he gave his mom and is now being shared with all of us! Love you sooooo much and am proud and honored to have you as my sister and dear friend! See you next weekend - looking forward to it!! Sherri
I too have been trying to leave messages! Hope this one goes through. I love reading your blog. I am so sorry about the pain you are going through but think we are all blessed for everything you are reminding or teaching us. Love you Holly!
the other 3 comments have said it perfectly Holly - we all are so thankful to the gift that Beckett gave you, and in turn gave all of us. to love our children more patiently and innocently. thank you for your words Holly, they always make me think and you are making me be a better person. I love you dearly and hope to talk to you soon. Emily
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