Last Easter the day started out pretty rough...but ended with a bang! I will NEVER forget those moments...it was the evening we learned we were pregnant with Liv. I was so upset that day. Nothing was right. Then there was that moment. On a whim...I thought I'd take a pregnancy test. No reason. No reason to suspect that I was pregnant. It was just a cruddy day and I felt "fat". I was pissed about everything. I took the test so I could be pissed about something else, a negative pregnancy test. I will never forget how it felt to read that positive test. I almost fell over...literally. I needed to steady myself. My emotions were all over the board. I will never forget Cory's reaction to the news. It was a moment that will always be etched in my mind. And here we are one year later with Liv in our arms this Easter. I can't even explain the happiness that brings...to all of us! That was very evident this morning. Liv let out her "I am awake cry"...within 10 seconds there were 4 people staring adoringly at her sweet face before she even got out of her room. Everyone wishing her a Happy Easter. All of us in each others way to try and get the first smile. (The morning smiles are the absolute best!) Everyone was excited to see her all dressed up in her beautiful dress. There was a fight between each of us who'd got to hold her at church...we compromised with all of us getting a turn. No shortage of love either when we went to "close grandmas" for lunch with family. A baby is just that special and is just a wonderful miracle to celebrate!

I wonder if there is a special celebration this day in heaven...I wonder what part Beckett plays in it all...it sucks that he is not here with us. It sucks that he isn't toddling around trying to make sense of all the hullaballu. It sucks that instead of snapping pictures of all my kids...there is one so obviously missing. I miss our little boy. I miss him so much (like another mom has said) it takes my breath away sometimes.

I wish you were here little buddy. I wish I could see you. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could talk to you. I wish I would be chasing you around. Sending up some big hugs...lovies...cuddles today and everyday.