Quite a while back I was invited to go on a scrapbook retreat with my sisters to Hinckley, MN. It took a lot of thought...but on my last chance to sign up I decided to do it. It would mean leaving Liv for almost 3 days! I typed yes, hit send and sent a check off immediately so I could not back out. I spent many a nights/days pumping...and pumping...and pumping to have enough food for Liv. 125 ounces to be exact! As Friday morning approached my stomach was turning over and over. I really was not sure how I was going to leave my baby, but I did it and Cory was going to be on his own (included in the mix was a birthday party and going away party).

I have not gone away with my sisters in 5 years without children with us. I was anxious to leave but looking forward to some sister time. We had a nice, relaxing time together. We worked on our scrapbooks of our kids and family...so it was even more fun reminicing or seeing photos for the first time. The three of us got to share a room together. There we were lined up each on our own twin bed...youngest to oldest. I can't really say that Mandie was in the room as much as us. She is a die hard...not coming to bed until 4:45AM!! Seriously...my creative juices run dry by midnight. I can't keep up with her. We had an excellent time...I wish those times happened more frequently. On my way home Sunday, I was able to meet my momma and godmother for a quick lunch. It felt a little wierd as I never just drop in quick. I hated to leave but I knew I had three excited kids waiting for me and a daddy that might want a little relief. It was so awesome to pull into the driveway and have my kids coming out to greet me. Holden had a big smile on his face and gave me the biggest squeeze. Grace was super excited to have me back. She would reach out and just touch my arm with a big smile on her face throughout the rest of the afternoon and next day. Liv was full of smiles and "talks". It is so nice to come back and see those happy faces...just for me. I really thought there would be some pay back...as in lots of crying, whining...but they handled it really well! Cory did not cry either...or bolt out the door to the golf course:)

With this early summer like weather the garden for Beck has been coming in nicely. I thought his tree might have bit the dust but it is sprouting like crazy. It makes me happy to think of taking the kids to pick out special annuals to plant for him. His garden is a very special place (for all of us). When I care for the plants, I am thinking of him constantly. With that there is a lot of saddness, it is a heartache that will never go away, but it is also gives me something to do...look after in honor of him. I have been thinking that I want to plant a couple of perinneals at his grave sight. So...if there is anyone that has some suggestions of some meaningful plants that might work, please let me know.

I just want to thank all those people who still send me an e-mail to let me know they are thinking about us, those that let me know they still read this blog, and for those who help keep Beck's memory alive. I think of him every single day...every hour...and then some. He is my little angel whom I know watches over us. I am so grateful for his beautiful spirit. It has been just over a year and a half since I held my little pumpkin. I SO wish he was here with is...begging me to play. I'd love to be digging in the sand and showing him all kinds of interesting bugs outside. I'd love to be strolling him and Livie side by side in the stroller. I'd love to be picking up his sippy cup that he has thrown on the floor for the tenth time. I'd love to be complaining to my friends that I am exhausted caring for all these kids. I would have loved him to have stepped out onto the steps to greet me home this weekend. But, then again...he was with me this whole weekend. Grace DID NOT want to be outnumbered by boys so I offered to take Beckett with me:)