Last week decided to take Liv to Beck's grave. We sat there and I told her about him. She stared at his stone...I am sure she liked the contrast (or patterins as Grace would call it). I placed her little hands over the imprint of his hands. She only has about a quarter inch on him. It was a peaceful time there together until a large bird (I couldn't tell what it was. I just knew it was absolutely huge) interupted our peaceful moments. It was massive and stunning. It landed on the lowest branch of the tree next to us. I looked to see what the hell it was. It was an owl! I have never seen an owl outside of the zoo. It was 2o'clock in the afternoon so I thought that to be odd as well. He stared at us...intently. Then he made some clicking noises. I tucked Liv into my arms and watched him. He just sat there. I moved and he flew over to the next tree...still watching us. Still making noises. I am not familiar with owl habits so I decided that maybe Liv and I should head back to the car. I had a vision of this massive bird swooping down and carrying Liv away.

I am a person who has always looked for signs...signs from Beckett that he is still here and knows us. I googled what the "meaning" behind seeing an owl. The first blurp I read was that an owl is a sign of death or a bad omen (well that is appropriate). But the presence of an owl is also associated with protector. I just felt it ironic that I was there at that particular moment with the child I was so desperately waiting to arrive safely...so anxious about loosing even now...I hope it was a sign that Beck is watching over us. I'd like to believe it was. It was awfully odd...uncomfortable...but peaceful as well.

Grace has been talking A LOT about Beckett over the last few days. It makes my heart sink some days...that they carry this trauma with them too. We will be just driving down the road and she will ask questions or tell me her thoughts about Beckett without being provoked. The other day she was telling me that Beckett just was not healthy and that is why he died. I just told her that we did not know why Beckett died but something happened. She then started thinking of her own mortality. She is convinced that she will not die until she is an old grandma (well I hope so!). She has also been talking to Beck on Liv's phone rattle as well. Asking him what he is doing in heaven. She is super sweet to him. She talks to him in the voice she uses with Liv. She has also asked me some tough questions about heaven and if Beckett is there...is he still in the ground? Tough to explain...I don't even get it!! We all miss him. Liv has reminded us of all that we are missing out on...forever with him.

By the way, Grace is doing really good after surgery. The first 24 hours SUCKED! But after that it ws not so bad (easy for me to say). She just started eating all kinds of food again. All of a sudden she is eating like she has been staarved for a year!

Back to cleaning...laundry...good times, good times!