No cool pictures to show this week, but we do have some news to share. I had my Ob appt. today. Baby's heart sounded really good and my tummy is measuring right on. I am approaching the 30 week mark. So, of course I am getting antsy, anxiety ridden, tired, and I just need to have something to look forward to. I asked about the amnio and how that process all goes down...I told her I was concerned that we have the amnio and then the next day there is no room for me to have the baby (assuming baby is mature enough to make an entrance). She said, "We have plenty on time to schedule that." I think she sensed that wasn't the answer I was hoping for. I told her the closer we get to the end the more crazy I feel, even though I try to put on a front for everyone else. She said she knows me well enough to know that I am not okay right now. That deserved a giggle. So we discussed dates to deliver and all that good stuff. We had several options to choose from but we opted for an amnio on Thursday, November 19th and delivery on November 20th. If the amnio comes back with the results that baby K is not ready yet; we need to wait another painfully, long week and deliver on the 27th of November. Most important though is getting this baby will make it to the finish line and in our arms to stay.

It is absolutely a terrifying journey to be on. At the same time it is such a blessing and miracle. When the baby moves it is the most incredible feeling. I don't take 1 single kick for granted. When the baby keeps me up at night, I don't care, it is a sign that baby is healthy. We love this child so intensely (we love all of our children this way), but loosing Beckett has heightened the feelings. We know how precious life is and how thankful we are to have these wonderful kids in our life. They can never be replaced.

As I approach the anniversary of Beck's death, I remember the activities I was doing leading up to the week of his death. I remember how carefree and oblivious I was that my life was about to be flipped upside down. That our faith would be tested. That our sense of hope and excitement for the future was going to be stripped away. On this day one year ago, I was with Grace and her preschool classmates at the pumpkin patch. I remember that I was moving more slowly. Telling people when I was due and how excited we were. I worked on the finishing touches to the baby's room. This week will be an emotional roller coaster, to say the least. I am trying hard to keep all those emotions in check for the benefit of little Baby K.