We had another appointment today. 3 weeks went before this one and that felt like an eternity. It took a long time to find the baby's heartbeat again but I could feel movement so I knew it was just bouncing around. Mickelson said we have a very active baby. This had also been stated in 2 previous ultrasounds! Could mean we will be doing a lot of chasing in the future.

I had an official panic attack (self diagnosed) last Saturday night. I have been feeling the baby move more and more. I can usually feel it in the morning before I get up and at night when I lay down. Well, the baby had been quite quiet that whole day. I laid down several times to feel baby but could not. I did not go into panic mode until about 11pm that night. I (irrationally) thought ok, this is it, we made it this far and it is over. Could I do this again? Would we do this again? All of these horrible images and flashbacks when trying to get baby Beckett to move but nothing. Rationally, i know I will not feel consistent movement for a while yet. I know it is normal to not feel it very much right now, but it does not change the emotions and images that drift into your mind. I know this is completely normal. I found a group online that discusses all of this stuff, so I don't feel like such a whack but I know it is irrational thinking. I stayed up until 2am that night waiting to feel a little kick...finally there it was and I could finally go to sleep.

7 more weeks and I can start kick counting which will help me feel like I have more control and action to take if the #'s aren't there. I told Mickelson today that I am a bit of a nut case. I asked her what I could do when I feel panicky. She gave me the name of a nurse to call and told me I could come in daily if I would like to have the heartbeat checked. I probably won't go but it is nice to know I can show up and won't be sent home.

Hard to believe that in 15 weeks we could potentially holding our baby! That also makes me think we need to start doing a few things to get ready...just a little bit. We will need to redo the baby's room for starters. This is something I don't think I can be present for. We are just going to prime it until the baby arrives. Then we will choose a color to go onto the walls. It would also be nice if we could come up with some names. I bought a book last weekend and found about 4 boys names (Cory said no to each one:) and 1 girls name (we both like it, not sure if we love it), so this baby might be nameless. I am not sure we will share any choices we have to eliminate the chances of people making fun of the name and it goes out the window...we are very limited to what we like so we can't "risk" loosing one or two because someone spoils it:)

Thanks for all the continued prayers and thinking about us still. We are still grieving Beckett (not sure that will ever stop). We are excited to meet the new addition, but know we have a long way to go to get there.

2 more days until of Cragun's trip!!! We are very excited to head out and enjoy the beach, golf, and great friends! Let's hope for a bit of a warmer forecast right now it looks like we will be shivering on the beach!