I am so sad. It is coming up on 2 years since Beckett died and I am overcome with grief. I was driving to a store today and I drove by the funeral home where he was. I am starting to have regrets that I did not go there. I did not go there to pick out a casket. I did not go there to hold him one last time. I did not go because I was a coward and I lacked the courage to face reality. The pain was too immense and I couldn't do it. I wish I would have. I wish now that I would have taken every single opportunity I had to be with him because today I feel overwhelmed by the lack of time I had with him. I hate that he died. I hate that he is not here. I hate that instead of planning his birthday party I am thinking about how to honor the anniversary of his death.

I walked Liv into her bedroom this morning for her nap.  All I could see were the mocha walls with painted dots...the clothes lined up in the closet. The clothes neatly folded in the dresser. His blankets that were waiting for him. Overcome with sadness, I held Liv tight and cried, while she patted me on the back:) And I thanked God that she is here with us.