Each day that passes, the anniversary of Beck's death looms. There is much sadness in my heart as I remember all the great feelings and anticipation of meeting our little baby. I distinctly remember going with Grace on her field trip to the pumpkin patch a exactly 3 days before he would stop moving. I remember trying to stay focused on Grace and her special day, but I could not keep the excitement of having another baby at bay. I remember as I watched her run around...standing and rubbing my stomach...so proud and thinking about how our life was going to change. I remember people asking me when I was due and asking if it was a boy or a girl. I remember feeling him kick me, as I sat on that uncomfortable school bus for the 20 minute ride home. Everything seemed so perfect. And to think in just a few short days we would be told horrific news. I will NEVER, ever forget laying in that room and watching and waiting for the nurse to find our baby's heartbeat. And our life has never been the same since.

As i finished this entry, the mailman just came to my door to deliver our mail. In the pile of mail was a card from my mom and dad. Being curious (I should have guessed the nature of the card), I opened it right away. Thanks for being there for me mom in a moment when I needed it. Interesting how some things work...

My darling little boy, I miss you more than I ever thought it possible to miss a human being. Missing you all the time is hard work. For one tiny, little man...you sure take up a lot of space in my heart:)