It has been a while since I have updated my site. I feel a little guilty that I have not shared more than one post since Liv has arrived. We have been busy and have had lots of company helping us. I have recovered very well so far. My mom is here this week keeping the house in order, keeping our laundry baskets empty, filling our home with smells of fresh bread, carmel rolls, and yummy food. She has been a tremendous help and I love getting to spend this time with her, especially when we live so far away and miss out on this stuff. I am so glad she was able to do this. It always makes me sad when my family needs to leave because I know how fast Liv will grow and how much they miss out on, but I am thankful for the time we have now.

Liv is so precious. She is just a snuggly, tiny bundle of joy. She melts my heart. I could stare at her all day long. We are so lucky. I cherish every moment with her. She has definately contributed to some healing of hearts in this house. My heart still aches for Beckett. I ache for everything we missed out on with him. I look at Liv and I picture Beck laying there on my chest. I imagine the sounds he would have made and how he would feel in my arms. I try not to let my mind go to the places it sometimes wants to go...thinking of him...picturing him and the way he came into this world. A baby should never die. You should never have to bury your child. To me it is almost more sad now...holding Liv and being reminded of how great life should be after the arrival of a newborn...it should not be any other way.

With the difficulties in dealing with loosing Beck after the arrival of Liv, oddly, nothing diminishes the utter happiness and joy that Liv has brought to our lives. Having a child after a loss is by far the most amazing experience. I appreciate everything on a different level. I feel giddiness like I have never felt before. I feel on top of the world sometimes (more so when my pain meds kick in:). I genuinely feel happy. Despite loosing Beck, I feel happy again. I don't think I realized what a depression I was in for the last year. I didn't realize that I could feel this amazing again. I feel like Liv has begun this unexpected healing.

Ever since Liv has arrived I have slept peacefully every single night. I have had no nightmares. I have had no anxieties. I have had no worries. I just sleep. Maybe this will all come crashing down and if it does I guess I expect that, but right now in this moment...it feels amazing! It also helps that Liv only gets up once at night and twice the last two nights. She is just a very easy going, quiet baby thus far. She rarely cries and if she does it is more of a little whimper. She calms very quickly.

Thanks for all the cards, e-mails, and gifts...it is just so exciting for us and we appreciate it all so much. There is no proper thank you to everyone. We are open to visitors so please stop by in you wish. You might want to call first just to make sure we are here, but I am feeling great and we are all so excited to show her off!

Here are a few more pictures of Liv...