There has been a request for a couple more pics of the kids, so here you go!I am not bias but Grace poses for pictures and Holden refuses...so I am limited to action shots at a distance of him. He was hard at work trying to catch minnows and Grace was chillin' on the beach.

A few cute stories of the kids. Grace was asking me what the word lame meant. I really had no good answer for her without using "bad" words so I told her lame means kinda silly. She thought about that for a while, questioned me...I blew her off. Then she says, "Mom you are so lame!" We laughed and laughed. Then I told her what it really meant and that we should not use that word...it is a big kid word.

Sweet Holden story. Grace and I have an early appt. Wednesday morning (poop Dr.:) so Holden is going to get up and go with Cory to work that morning. He was so excited...who would have thought? I kept telling him it'd be like 7 more days. He keeps asking me when it is going to be, for the 100th time I said WEDNESDAY MORNING! Anyway, he asked me for his new backpack (briefcase style). He came down the stairs with the laptop in there!! How cute, just like his daddy. Then he said, "Well I should probably throw in a notebook or something." He get that all in there. Then he decides he needs to pick out an outfit to wear (he was contemplating a dress shirt and tie). Just when I think he is all grown up he does something like this and it is just too adorable. So he is all packed up and ready for his hour with daddy in the office Wednesday morning. I hope it is all he dreams it will be:)

New baby is moving so much more now. Cory was able to feel it give a good punch last night. Every time I tell him to give me his hand the baby stops moving so last night he finally got to feel little nubin again. I was up around 6 this morning (not by choice) but the baby moved around for about 2 1/2 hours. I think that is the longest stretch of movement. Holden got to feel his little brother/sister this morning for the first time. He was all smiles. I am feeling a little more confident going into this weeks appointment the there will have been some steady growth. The heart still makes me a little nervous...just because it does no real reason. Part of me wishes we would have decided to have an autopsy performed and that maybe we'd have some answers. Not knowing what happened sometimes makes me think it was something to do with his heart (even though there were no indications of that). But still the thought of anyone touching our little baby in that way makes me feel ill. So, I guess it was the right choice.

We stopped by Beckett's grave the other day to water the flowers. The kids have a new favorite place to hang out! There is a water pump and bucket...a new discovery. So they proceeded to water people's flowers at their grave sites. Very dark humor, I know, but it is kind of funny. So those that rest at the Evergreens Cemetery near Beck's grave have been taken care of as well.

I had some alone time on Saturday morning (1 1/2 hours to be exact). I realize how little of that I have at times like those. Anyway, being alone gives your mind this time to think and cry. I am so emotional when I am alone. I think everyday is so busy and all this stuff needs to get done when it is just me and me alone to deal with the gloves come off and I am vulnerable and sad. I just can't shake the fact that this still all feels so wrong. Not me being pregnant, but that Beckett is not here. It feels like something is always missing. There is always this emptiness that will never be filled.