Cory and I are so lucky to have four little Valentines. They each bring so much to our lives in different ways.

Holden is such a calm and loving kid. He thinks of others. He is a old soul in an 8 year old body. When Holden was in preschool, his teachers always commented on what a kind hearted, old soul Holden was. He is wise beyond his years. He thinks on a different level and sometimes I am shocked at the things he says (in a very good way). Grace is loving and helpful. She does have some "listening" issues, but I know that she hears and notices everything. She is a pretty deep thinker herself. She is a handful but is never really bad. She loves to "color outside the lines". I personally am a rule follower, so it is difficult for me to let her go and be who she is sometimes. I have really learned to not care so much if she looks like a miss matched little girl.  I have learned to appreciate her sense of style and flair. For example, her hair today was a crazy mess, but she thought she looked beautiful. I let her go to school with that crazy hairdo even though I really wanted to "fix it". Liv is the sweetest little dolly baby. She makes us all laugh. She is funny, sweet, and a total goof ball. We are starting to think we have a 2nd Grace in the making (please HELP me). We all feel so lucky to have her in our lives. She has helped us all heal and enjoy the simple things. I squeeze her, kiss her, and tell her how much I love her easily a 100 times a day.

Our kids are a huge reason why we have been able to pick up and move on after loosing Beckett. They all have played an important role for getting us back on track. Certainly, we have our bad days or moments when it all feels not right in our world. Somehow...someway...they have a way of pulling us back and seeing what is before us, not behind us.

The girls and I picked Holden up from school on Friday. It was a beautiful sunshiny day. As we were driving home we were going past the cemetery. My heart felt lighter (literally). I told the kids it would not be long now until we got to go visit Beckett. Grace said she forgot about that. I could tell she felt bad for saying "forgot" so she tried to correct herself. Then Holden said something that was so profound to me. I think about what he said almost every hour since. He said, "Mom, it is hard to think of all the bad things that happen when there are so many happy things to think about." He is so right. We can't dwell on all the bad things because there are all these wonderful things to think about. Obviously Beck's death has had a major impact on our lives and if I let myself I could think about him all day long. I could sit and lay in bed curled up with his blanket. If I let myself do that I'd miss out all of the happiness that surrounds me. It is okay to think of happy things. Sometimes you want to dwell on the sad because it makes you feel closer to the person you lost. I have realized though, that when I focus on all the happiness...Beck is still there...he is a part of that happiness. Without him...we would never be in this wonderful place we are now.