Liv has really taken a liking the the photo of Beckett we keep displayed on a shelf in the kitchen. Lately, she has been pointing to him every morning. I will take the picture down and she will hold it and giggle. She will grin her biggest grin and scrunch her eyes. She gave him some moochies too. I always tell her who he is and she will just giggle. It is so sweet. She may do the same for any other baby picture out there, but I'd like to think there is a special connection there.

This is our 3rd Christmas without our little guy. How can it possibly be that long? I remember how miserable that 1st Christmas was. I really don't remember much of it. I do remember my sister standing up and giving a little tribute to Beckett, tears in everyone's eyes. I remember not being able to look at anyone. I remember my mom making special angel oranaments that year for him. I remember just wanting to disappear. I remember that saddness in my heart. I remember missing him so fiercely. I remember staring out the window Christmas Eve and just longing to be close to my baby.

I long to be close to him always. The pictures just are not enough. I want to hold him. I want to squeeze him. I want to smell him. I want to know him.