I have an opinion to share today. It was prompted by a heart wrenching story I read in our local paper today. A sixteen year old girl took her life Thursday morning. She appears she may have been bullied by classmates through texting and facebook. I am so sick of hearing these stories of these beautiful kids taking their own life! No one knows all the information in these situations, but what one can conclude is that it is so senseless. Why do kids feel the need to tirelessly pursue others and torment them? We definitely had the kids that were "picked" on in school and I am sure they felt miserable, but at least there was no texting or FB to continue the tormenting when they got to the safety of their home. There is no shut off for some of these kids.

I was teased until I was in the 4th grade about my weight. I was fat. I knew I was fat. I distinctly remember wanting specific jeans but I could not fit into the "cool" jeans. My mom made me buy Hunt Club brand at JCPenney's because they had "husky" sizes. I cried and cried. I did not want those jeans! I wanted to fit it and be cool. I remember being at a friends house and we were all getting hungry. I was told I could only have dried mustard and water because I was too fat. The gave me a water bottle and put the dried mustard on the straw part. It was mortifying.

I remember going to the bathroom one time and sitting there and looking down at my "fat rolls". I think I probably had up to seven or eight. It was then I distinctly remember wanting to get a knife and just cut those fat rolls off. They were out of control. 

I can't say that I did anything to prevent the rolls...there is actual video footage of my chubby self walking down to the lake with a cookie in each hand, one piece suit on, the sounds of my heavy feet walking onto the dock and beautifully posing in front of the video camera shoving the cookies in my face in a dramatic way! I guess I owned it:)

One pivotal moment happened when I was in the fourth grade. It was after school and I was standing on the 1st floor of St. Anthony's near the bathroom on the east side of the building. I was looking at the magazines on a rack in the hallway. I had on frosted blue jeans. My hair was mulletish. Mrs. Salzl came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. "Holly you are really starting to thin out!" And that is all it took to help me gain some confidence. One kind word. I am not saying all my issues stopped there because they did not (I still struggle with my body image), but obviously it meant a lot and went a long way. It was a HUGE (no pun intended) turn around for me.

I know that my story is tame and mellow compared to many. I know that my story is a really common one. The point is that I know teasing can hurt and stick with you. I know that life for many teens and grade schoolers is far more difficult to maneuver through in 2010. There are so many avenues to be degraded and dehumanized...and it can be done so easily and anonymously. It is not fair. It is not right.

I was not a perfect student or friend all the time growing up. I may even have left a mark on someone I don't even realize. BUT, you can be sure that I talk to my kids almost daily about the importance of accepting kids that are different or seem "weird". I always tell them to be kind and treat people the way you want to be treated. I give them examples of how their feelings have been hurt and using that as a way to demonstrate how they can make others feel by their actions. Does anyone really want to sit by the kids who picks his nose and does unmentionable things with his mucus? NO, but you have a choice in how you react. Do you really want to pick one of the worst players to be on your kickball team? NO, but you could throw them a bone once in a while or cheer them on when it is there turn so they gain some confidence.

I know my kids are not perfect, nor am I, but I hope the talks help them make good choices (even if it is not popular). I hope they hear that voice in their head.

Holden was telling me that a teacher came up to him and his friend and thanked them for sitting by a kid without her asking them to. He wondered why she would say that to them. I gave him my two cents and told him I was proud. He told me that this kid is a "little weird" but he likes them. I told him he may not have many friends so he is not sure how to act around other kids but to give him a chance. He told me that this kids said some "weird" things and Holden was pretty sure he was talking about things happening in his imagination, but he said him and his other friend just listened and nodded their head. I was so proud in that moment hearing him talk so sincerely.

This morning he told me that he was a captain to pick teams yesterday and there were 10 kids left and he still picked this kid even though some others were better. I guess he threw caution to the wind and picked another unlikely gal. I guess the other captain also chose an unlikely person as well after that. I was and am SO proud of him. He did the unpopular thing and went with his heart...and someone else followed. Interesting how one act can cause a ripple effect.

Maybe if there was just one or two people who would have stood up for this 16 year old girl to stop the bullying she'd be here today. I hope everyone starts taking bullying seriously (victim or not) and takes some action!