The photographer who took absolutely B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L pictures of Liv posted some on her blog. A very touching glimpse of our story was shared on there are well. Check it out at rialeephotography.com! If you ever want the best experience and photos you will for sure love make an appointment. I have yet to place my order because it is so hard to decide.

LIv continues to do great but she is experiencing some reflux which is unpleasant (for all:). There is a lot of projectile vomiting taking place. You never know when it will strike. She gets a cute drunk look on her face when she is done letting it all out. Thank goodness I have a very abundant milk supply!!

People always ask who she looks like and I can can't honestly say who she resembles...it depends on whose baby picture you look at. It is a perfect combo of Holden, Grace and Beckett all rolled into one. Sometimes I have to admit I get a little freaked out when I see Beckett sitting there. When I am delerious at nightime feedings sometimes I see him whimpering there and it just breaks my heart. Of course I know it is Liver Beans (one of her many nicknames) there but I see him and I want to hold him. I want to comfort him and tell him everything is alright. I can't believe I never got that chance.

I think of him a lot. I wish I could have a glimpse into his life now. It just kills me that I have no idea and I just have to trust. Sometimes I think my Grandpa Oster has him in his lap. Sometimes I see him with our friend Geoff being tossed in the air. I have come to the realization through talks with others who have lost someone so significant, books I have read, blogs I follow...that I will never get over this. I will never be peaceful with this. I will never be able to look at his photos without feeling the knife in my heart. On the outside it looks like everything is getting better. On the inside I am still really vulnerable and hurt. I am able to see the blessings in my life, but loosing Beckett is so monumental and devastating.

I have learned some coping strategies and they do work. Whenever I am feeling down, I give myself the moment I need and then I think of all the other people in the world who suffer. Someone always has in worse and I able to put my pity party aside and be thankful. Watching the news these last few days is a great example. I don't think I can look at one more photo of the children affected by the earthquake in Haiti. It breaks my heart. Speaking of that, Pout Boutique in Fargo is accepting NEW clothing for infants and children for donation, which will be sent to Haiti. A bonus is you will recieve a 25% off coupon for your donation. Please consider dropping off some items for those children and families who have lost everything.

And to sign off....GO VIKINGS!