I have been honest about my anger and resentment towards God for taking Beckett from us...way too soon. In that first year, I had many awful thoughts run through my mind. Thoughts that made me unsure of how I would or could continue a relationship with God. I did not trust Him. I did not feel much love for Him. I felt guilty for having those feelings. I'd have to remind myself of what my sister told me. God will still love you through your temper tantrums. Just like a parent has that unconditional love for their child...even if they make some bad decisions.

I have worked through my anger on my own. I had come to a place of contentment. I do still have flare ups from time to time, but mostly I have let that anger go.

This weekend our pastor spoke on grief and how one can live through it. Anyone that knows our pastor knows what a wonderful speaker he is. He is so real. He does not seem to pretend or sugar coat. He seems so vulnerable and he shares that. I think that is why so many people respect and admire him. Their family has experienced more tragedy than a typical one. So when they talk about grief you tend to listen and hang on their words.

They lost a baby girl to SIDS when she was just 6 months old. We share a connection in that sense. I know it was difficult for the both of them to help us bury our baby. So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I respect them and I listen to them...because if they can carry on and trust in God then I most certainly can.

One part of the sermon stuck out in particular to me. He said that he could not understand why God took their Katie from them. And then he said something that really resonates with me...helps me in a new way...God did not take Katie from them. Death took Katie from them. God was there to save Katie from death. I had an Oprah moment. An "Aha moment". I feel like I was meant to be there to hear those words.